Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
