He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
