is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
