I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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