i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
