oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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