we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
