You really coming over, don't trick.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
