I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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