last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
