I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
