Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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