soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
