I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
