he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
