Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
