M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
