saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
