I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
