when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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