i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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