it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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