remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
