Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
