I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
