My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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