you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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