i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
