I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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