Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
