i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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