I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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