We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
