Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
