The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
