a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
