don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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