I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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