rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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