I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
