At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
