I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
