Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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