i don't like sucking hair
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Randomize
