ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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