I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
