I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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