I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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