I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
