The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
