What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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