im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
